Fitting In (1898)

Characters: Kearen, Taellin, Berrywine Written by: Linda **Kearen.** The male didn't reply, and kept going on collecting his things. Throwing his sleeping furs from the bottom of his den to the other, he tried to see if something was left behind. He nodded in satisfaction when he saw it wasn't. **What are you doing, Kearen?** He shrugged off the sending as if it was nothing. It was enough. This was enough. This wasn't where he belonged, and he felt it in his entire body. He needed to leave. Looking around, he wrinkled his nose. This den wasn't home, it was an animal's shelter. He had too much dignity to stay here. "Leave," he spoke gruffly, but the female in the entrance thought otherwise. "You're planning on leaving, cub?" "Don't call me cub," he snarled in defense, "I'm older than most of the wolfriders in this holt. You should now, above all others. I shared my furs with you." Taellin sighed, not hurt in any way. This behaviour had been going on since the last night she had told stories about the firstcomers, and she had a faint idea what he was going to do. "You act like one," she softly spoke. "If your acts make it likewise, I'll call you a cub. No matter what your age is." He silently continued to gather all of his personal belongings in one of his sleeping furs, and then he rose as far as that was possible in his low den. "Out of my way!" "I'm not, till you're going to tell me what you're up to." The softness had disappeared out of her voice and it startled Kearen, only a bit. She'd sounded harsh, demanding and intolerant, and it was something he'd never heard before. He hesitated, but didn't move. Then, he bursted out. "I'm leaving this forsaken place," he burst out, "High Ones, Taellin, wouldn't you? Look at those animals outside! That's not who I belong to, and neither do you! You told a story about more than half of them leaving after your birth and I'm sure they're still out there! I'm going to find them! And you should go with me. Wouldn't you want to know what happened to your mother? Don't you want to spend your time with pure elves?" Taellin looked at him thoughtfully. He had had these kind of outbursts before, but he had never gathered his things before. "If you really want it, neither I nor chieftess Halfnote can stop you," she quietly spoke. "But listen, Kearen, don't you think it's already been tried to locate them? The hunters found some tracks, back then, in the opposite direction of where we've gone to after we fled. After the massacre of High Tree Holt." She blinked slowly. "Where will you look, Kearen? All traces have been long gone. There's no proof that they're still alive." "But it's possible!" he cried out, "It's possible they are, and you're all leaving them out there to perish! Don't you want to know if your mother's still alive?" She closed her eyes for a moment. In her youth, she had asked herself that question so many times and it still was a touchy subject, but she shook her head. "The tribe was my mother. She did something terrible." Kearen snorted. "She did something good. You're a pureblooded elf. You see things so much clearer than everything. You're so much better than them." Taellin narrowed her eyes. "Because of my blood? Honestly, Kearen, blood does not make a difference. Actions do." She paused only a bit, not giving him the time to interrupt. "Besides, the only way I've lived this long is because I'm no good at hunting. Outside the holt it's dangerous, Kearen. Every wolfrider can tell you that. And I should know too, I've known almost all of them." "Why is living a bad thing?" he protested. "There's nothing wrong with living, as long as you remember how many of us died for it," Taellin replied wisely. "Your food is not coming to you because it wants to. Hunters provide you with food. You're barely capable of gathering enough for yourself. How will you provide when you're out there? You wouldn't stand a chance. If your furs are ripped, what will you do? You can't skin a deer if your life depended on it." Kearen was silent, and broke the eye-contact between him and the female in front of him, not being able to bare the hard glance in her eyes. He bowed his head, realizing that she was probably right. He looked at his belongings, gathered in one of his sleeping furs. He was no good in anything, that's what he thought she meant to say. He would never be as good as any of the wolfriders. "What use am I?" he muttered quietly, "I can't hunt. I can't do anything. And they hate me." "Kearen..." Taellin sighed. He'd felt this way since his parents had died, and it didn't matter how many times she and others had tried already, this belief went deep. "Nobody hates you, my friend," she spoke a bit more friendly. "You can read the stars. You can predict the weather. High Ones, Kearen, how many times have you saved a hunting party telling them not to go on a hunt because the weather would become worse? They respect you, a lot." But he shrugged. "They don't like me." The elder rolled with her eyes. "As if you make any effort that they should," she snorted. "You're creating the distance between you and the tribe all by yourself. They have tried numerous times to include you in celebrations, gatherings and even furrings and you're simply not interested. Widen your horizon, Kearen. Nothing is as bad as it seems." She took a step closer, and he looked up, a shimmer of tears in his eyes. "Sometimes I feel that nobody understands me. I can't hear, see or smell like they can. I don't have that feeling what makes it nice to be part of a wolf." Taellin stood in front of him, and gently struck the hair from his forehead. "I know that feeling," she softly said, "And even worse for me, Kearen, I faintly remember how it was like. Maybe it's best to live unknowingly of what you can't have." She pulled him closer, and he buried his face in her shoulder. "But I know," she continued, "That running away is not the best option, my friend. Who knows? Maybe our ancestors have found a better place to live but, and don't remember, their group too, had wolfriders with them. It's possible that the pureblooded elves have passed on, too, in their tribe." She softly caressed his back. "Maybe we know, someday. And for now, dearest friend, look outside to see what you cán have. It's not right to linger in the past, that much we should've learned from the Wolfriders right now." He lifted his head and she turned around, so they could watch what happened below, outside. Berrywine darted outside with a few bottles with dreamberry wine, giggling as she spot the movement slightly above her. "Bright moon, Taellin, Stargazer." She winked, as she moved on to the storage den. As Kearen watched her depart, his suspicion rose, as if there was something behind Berrywine's words. He narrowed hiseyes to have a better view in the dark. But maybe Taellin was right in telling that they tried to include him. Maybe not, he thought, but as long as he wasn't sure of it, he could take her advice to try and be more open towards his tribesmates. **You need help, Berrywine?** he sent to the female with a mild hesitation coloring his send, but she stopped right away. "Sure thing, Kearen," she called back, "it's a heavy load. I’d appreciate it very much." The wolfrider winked at Taellin, who at her turn smiled approvingly as Kearen climbed out of his den and followed the maiden. With a sigh, she turned, and started to unpack his belongings. Another one of those outbursts avoided, she thought, suddenly tired, and she was sure it wouldn't be the last one either.